I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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