I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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