How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
