Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
