Define "chronic" masturbator.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
