You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
