flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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