Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Can I color on your dick again?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
