hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
