Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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