hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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