She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
