and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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