No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
