ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
