Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
