the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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