This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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