Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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