There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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