i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize