Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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