it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
