Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
