Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
