I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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