No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
