Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
