please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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