hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
