I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
