I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize