its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
