My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
