Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
