I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
