Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
