my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
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