arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
