I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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