White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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