He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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