I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
