Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
