my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize