take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
