Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
