Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Panties = found
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
