I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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