i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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