Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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