So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
