I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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