I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
