And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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