SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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