Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
