So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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