I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
