god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
