he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
