perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
