I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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