I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
