If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
