I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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