I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
