well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
