You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
