His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
