I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
In the future we'll all be gay
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
