we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
