Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
