wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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