my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
