Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
