first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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