I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
