And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
