So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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