I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
