dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
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