so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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