he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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