Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
