Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
