Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Randomize
