forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
