If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
