the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
My bed smells like the plague
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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