if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
