Non-Jews are for practice
I hope mine doesn't look like that
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
