no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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